Posted by: whatkindofweekhasitbeen | December 11, 2011

11th December, 2011

After this week, I’m beginning to think I’ll have to buy my Christmas presents using farm animals and unopened Simpsons collectibles.

First, as teed up so inanely by Enda Kenny, came the Budget: so awful they announced it twice. Brendan Howlin and Michael Noonan announced a series of measures that enforced the idea I’ve long held: that austerity would be a marvellous idea if it weren’t for the nuisance of people getting in the way. At the top of a fairly long list of objectionable things was the hike in car tax, even for low emission cars, as it seems that too many people were doing the right thing for it to be profitable anymore. It’s hard to give up yer oul cynicism when the government gives a fundamental principle of fair taxation such a good, hard kick up the arse straight out the gate.

While Michael Noonan must be wondering how after 30 years in ministerial politics he still finds himself doling out fuzzy lollipops (although at least he has no phone-tapping, Mafioso tactics to deal with anymore) there is a certain degree of apt casting for a Fine Gael elder statesman being the nation’s cod liver oil dispenser. Brendan Howlin, however, best get as many sniffs out of his leather cabinet seat as he can, as Labour have made themselves and everyone who voted for them look like idiots. They’ve already asked two of their stone cold maverick backbenchers who play by their own rules, Tommy Broughan and Patrick Nulty, to hand in their committee member badges, and along with Willie Penrose gives a total number of 3 Labour renegades. Sadly, it’s the other 34 who are off their case.

But while dreams of Tallaght Strategy II (or some other method of getting Fianna Fáil off their paper mache high horse) go down the commode along with the disposable income of low to middle income earners, in Brussels this week Europe’s leaders attended another summit to save the Euro, the continental centre-right equivalent of there being anything said for having another Mass. They eventually came up with…something, but David Cameron vetoed it on the grounds that it wasn’t in the UK’s interests. Or at least one square mile of it, around the St Paul’s Cathedral area. While financial transfer taxes wouldn’t be a bad idea at all, rules on fiscal discipline regarding balanced budgets and spending limits are a Keynesian nightmare, and if anyone truly thinks curbs on government spending caused this crisis or can save us from the next one, they’re in for a shiny, skyscraper-sized fall.

Meanwhile back at the ranch Rick Perry has been trying his best to make people forget about the fact he can’t remember anything, with an ad reminding everyone how much he hates people who don’t love Jesus. He claims you know something is wrong when gays can openly serve in the military but kids can’t openly pray or celebrate Christmas in schools. He has a point, being a gay soldier is a lifestyle choice, but young Christians were born that way. In most universes a man whose chances of becoming his party’s nominee were campfire ashes trying to revive his appeal by making a wildly divisive ad would hit the ceiling of madness. But this is the Republican primary, so in this case the ceiling of madness is way higher, made of marble and has a picture of Robocop wrestling a lion etched into it.

Newt Gingrich, an idiot’s idea of a smart person, raised eyebrows this week by saying Palestinians were” invented”, which shows both an ignorance about the fundamentals of geopolitics and a hostility to the innovation of nation creators that is not at all American. Herman “Bootysweat” Cain suspended his campaign in some style, rocking up to the stage in a bus before quoting the Pokémon movie. And Michelle Bachmann, who I’m now convinced is Sasha Baron Cohen’s most ingenious character yet, was stunned to silence by an 8 year old who took exception to her stance on lesbian mothers, what with him having one. Meanwhile, Barack Obama delivered one of the most lauded speeches of his tenure in office in Kansas, brilliantly flicked off charges from the Republicans he was soft on middle-east policy (His answer was essentially “Bin Laden, bitches”) and Hillary Clinton made a ground-breaking speech on gay rights in Geneva. It’s going to be an ugly year for red states.

And just in case you needed any more proof that the American right were going through the five stages of lunacy (they’re currently at the fourth stage, incoherent rampage) a presenter on Fox News show “Follow The Money” (which with a name like that you know will be a hoot) laid into, wait for it, The Muppets. It seems their latest movie features a malevolent oil baron called Tex Richman, so perhaps it was inevitable that the channel bankrolled by a malevolent baron would take offence. What happened next was classic Fox: the presenter gets a talking head on to totally agree with him, followed by a talking head who doesn’t, but in this case he and another presenter he has brought in specifically for the task talk over her in an attempt to brow beat them into submission.

To be honest, the only surprising thing about all this is that Fox haven’t cottoned on to Kermit and his collective’s leftist conspiracy earlier. The Muppets Christmas Carol was a clear allegory for the forces of liberalism brainwashing an upright conservative, while Sesame Street was flagrant socialist propaganda, with its pushy multiculturalism and underlying message of treating everyone nicely.

Most surprising of all though is how the star of the show, Jason Segel, has allowed himself to be involved in such lefty malarky. After all, he appeared in the great right wing film of our times, where he featured as a self-made salesman who lived a luxurious life of self-interest whose favourite band was the famed Objectivists Rush.

I Love You Man, I think it was called.

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